I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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