At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
so much tequila, so little girl.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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