I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
is that a dick in a sweater?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
