He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
