Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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