I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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