You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
