All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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