threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
