I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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