Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
