last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
