So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
