Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
