She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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