Please, let me fuck your mom
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
