Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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