OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
