I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
