I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
