He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
