I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
