If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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