It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
