Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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