pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
