I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
