What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
