pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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