At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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