bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize