I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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