his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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