Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize