I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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