okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
