I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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