you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
