Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
