we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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