i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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