he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
