Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
