I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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