We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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