So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
