not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
