Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
