I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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