This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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