good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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