I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
