So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
