What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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