so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
