Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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