like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
