this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
