Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
