i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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