there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
