I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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