Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
