I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
