Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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