I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
