You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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