Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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