In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
