I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize