So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
