I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize